


Proof That Karma Really Is a Bitch

by neonkorok



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Escape, Face Slapping, Gen, I think that's about it, Kidnapping, Legend and Four don't really show up until the end and I'm sorry for that, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Magic, Sassy Hyrule (Linked Universe), The Dark World (Four Swords Adventures), The Triforce, The mages really don't know what they're doing, and it shows, but they are there, enjoy, is kinda useless not gonna lie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23879242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonkorok/pseuds/neonkorok
Summary: Being kidnapped is far less terrifying and far more frustrating than Hyrule would have thought. If only his captors would believe him when he said he had no master.ORHyrule gets kidnapped by incompetent mages in Four's Hyrule and escapes with the help of an equally incompetent magician girl. Why is this his life?
Relationships: Four & Hyrule (Linked Universe), Four & Legend (Linked Universe), Hyrule & Legend (Linked Universe)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 145





	Proof That Karma Really Is a Bitch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lightning of Farosh (Medea_Nunc_Sum)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medea_Nunc_Sum/gifts).



> Aaaaaah, it's finally done! This is version two of my gift for the Sapling Exchange on the LU gift exchange server, and I'm finally happy with it.
> 
> Grim, I hope you enjoy it! And if you want the other version I wrote, let me know :з It has a bit more magic in it, but a lot less plot, so it's up to you to decide shshsj
> 
> Also, please keep in mind the warnings in the tags. There's nothing too bad in this, but it's always better safe than sorry!
> 
> That said, I hope y'all enjoy uwu

From the moment Four mentioned mages, Hyrule knew something bad was going to happen. But did he listen to his instincts? No! He let Four and the others tell him that everything would be fine, accepted their reassurances at face value, and completely missed the very obvious danger approaching him until it was already too late, until his wrists and ankles were bound together with rope and he was locked away in an abandoned building without any of his equipment by the aforementioned mages for saving a child from a burning house. Because, you know, what good is karma?

“I already told you, I don't have a master.” Hyrule said for what felt like the thirtieth time as he knelt uncomfortably on the stone floor. “I learned magic from old men hiding in people’s basements. Which, yeah, is pretty creepy thinking back on it, but still. They're probably all dead by now, anyway.”

The mage in front of him hissed—actually _hissed,_ like a snake.

If he was Legend, he might have made some witty comment about the mage’s animalistic nature. If he was Warriors, he might have asked if that was a serpent in the mage’s pocket, or were they just happy to see him? As it was, Hyrule said nothing, because it was actually kind of intimidating and he was bad at both comebacks and flirting.

“Listen here, _boy.”_ the mage said, their voice almost unnaturally raspy. “You can lie all you want, but once we find your master, there _will_ be bloodshed. Make it easier for all of us and just tell us where they are, and we'll let you go. Hell, with as much innate magic as you have, I'm sure one of us would be more than willing to take you on as our own apprentice. Just tell us where we can find your master.”

“Is this the kind of treatment you give everyone who saves children in your village?” Hyrule asked. “Because, I gotta say, you're _really_ not encouraging that behavior if it is.”

The mage snarled at him, and Hyrule tried to decide whether it looked more like a wolf or a lion. Probably a wolf. He'd never actually seen a lion snarl before, but he'd seen plenty of wolves, and there were similarities. This person really _was_ animalistic.

“Stop being difficult!” they snapped. “You are helping no one, least of all yourself! Just _tell us_ where your _master is_ and we might just let you _live.”_

If Hyrule actually had a master, that would be a pretty motivating speech, complete with passionate globs of saliva shooting out of his haranguer’s mouth.

“I already told you.” Hyrule said slowly. “I don't have a master. I learned from old, probably dead men hiding in—”

Hyrule didn't see the mage’s hand coming, but he sure felt it as he was bitch-slapped across the face. He blinked down at the floor, more in shock than anything, then looked back up at the mage and raised an eyebrow.

“Is that really the best you can do?” he asked. “Because, I gotta say, I'm really not fearing for my or my fictional master's life right now.”

The mage screamed in his face, sending even more flecks of saliva onto his cheeks and forehead to blend in with his freckles. “You insolent buffoon! We are offering you safety and the finest magical education there is in exchange for your master! Why will you not listen to reason?!”

“Maybe because you just slapped me across the face?” Hyrule suggested. “Doesn't exactly make me trust that I'd be treated well if I did sign on as your apprentice. The shouting doesn't really help, either. Oh, yeah, and the fact that I still don't have a master to give up to you in the first place.”

The mage suddenly stood, glaring at Hyrule all the while. They opened their mouth, then snapped it shut, turned on their heel, and…walked out of the room.

Hyrule watched them go, waiting until the door closed behind them to sag back against the wall. Being interrogated was hard. How the heck was Legend so snarky all the time? Coming up with comebacks was _hard._ Thankfully, his method of repeating everything he’d already said seemed to work well enough, but he worried for what would happen if they did much more than ask “Where is your master?” Bravado would only get him so far. The stinging handprint on his cheek was testament enough to that.

He sighed, wiggling his hands and feet to test the strength of the ropes. They were tight, but not so much so that they were cutting off his circulation. Still too tight to wriggle out of. There went that plan.

He looked around the room, trying to see if there was anything useful to be found, but it was entirely barren. The only things of note were the singular torch lighting the room (too high up to burn through his bindings with) and the door, which he now knew led out to a hallway. That meant that whatever building this was, it was at least big enough to have multiple rooms, which was a bad sign. More rooms meant more tight spaces between them. More tight spaces meant more chance of a mage finding him if he tried to escape. And even if he _did_ manage to miracle his way out of there, he'd been knocked unconscious somewhere between jumping out of the second floor of the burning house with a child in his arms and winding up in here. He could be any distance away from the others. It could take _hours_ to find his way back to them, hours wherein the mages would have more than ample opportunity to find and recapture him. He didn't even know how long he'd been gone—the lack of a window in his little cell wasn't exactly helping his internal clock get back on track.

He just _had_ to turn into a fairy to get to that child, didn't he?

He groaned, slumping over even more. He’d saved someone’s life! Surely, that should be enough to get him out of interrogations and uncomfortable sitting positions. (It should at _least_ get him a proper chair. The stone digging into his knees was just ridiculous.) So what if he used magic? He’d saved someone's life! A _child’s_ life! Why did none of the mages seem to care about that?!

He didn't have enough magical energy to cast Fairy again so he could escape his binds. He didn't even have enough to cast Fire so he could burn his way free. Heck, he'd be surprised if he had enough left in him to cast _Jump._ It was ridiculous, and it was humiliating. Defeat countless enemies on a journey through Hyrule? Sure, no problem. Fight Ganon to save the kingdom? Yeah, no sweat. Vanquish a shadow version of himself and gain the full power of the Triforce? Done and done—

Wait a second.

The Triforce.

He craned his neck to try and catch a glimpse of his hand, but was unsuccessful. Not that he really needed to see it—he knew what was there. It was kind of hard to misplace a magical artifact that had melded with your very being. Though, with his current luck, he wouldn't be too surprised if he somehow had.

Great, so he had an ancient and magical relic tied to his spirit. What could he do with that?

He knew some of the others had encountered the Triforce on their journeys, but they hadn't actually possessed it in its entirety—at least, not for very long. Legend had mentioned making wishes on the Triforce before, and Wild said something about his Zelda using it to seal Ganon away. So, what, Hyrule should just wish to be freed? Seal the mages away with light energy? Something told him that those wouldn't really work in his situation.

His head made a satisfying thumping sound as he hit it against the wall a little bit harder than intended. If only the Triforce came with a user’s manual. Then he might actually have some kind of direction.

Glaring up at the ceiling, he almost missed it when a shadow slunk into the room. He stiffened, eyeing the patch of moving darkness coming erratically towards him. It was an odd shape, almost feathered around the edges, growing slightly larger and smaller as it jerked from side to side. It was almost upon him when another shadow entered the room, this one much faster. It ran towards the feathered shadow, arms outstretched, before picking it up and seemingly cradling it to its chest. Hyrule watched the bizarre situation unfold in stupefied silence. The shadows left shortly after that, leaving him even more confused than before.

Just where _was_ he?

He tried to remember what he knew about shadow monsters, but his only real experience with them was when he'd fought Dark Link to wake Aurora from her magical coma, and Dark Link was a three-dimensional being made of corporeal darkness, not a two-dimensional _actual_ shadow. There wasn't really a comparison to be drawn.

Thinking back on the first shadow, it almost seemed to resemble one of the cuccos back in the village, and the second one looked like a person, maybe even a child. But that didn't make any _sense._ Why would a child and a cucco be shadow monsters? Could they be shapeshifters? Were they cursed? Were they just illusions?

He wondered if maybe this was some kind of plot by the mages to keep him distracted so he wouldn't come up with an escape plan. If so, it was working.

Footsteps approaching his room had him tensing, thoughts of shadow monsters and plots fleeing his mind as he prepared himself for another round of spit and questioning. When the door opened, however, the mage from before was nowhere to be found. Instead, a girl around Hyrule’s age with bright red hair, blue robes, and a pointy hat stood in their place, shuffling her feet anxiously in the doorway.

“Um, I'm here to rescue you?” she said without the level of confidence Hyrule would have appreciated in a prospective rescuer.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “You seem a little…nervous.”

The girl huffed and rolled her eyes. “Well, _duh._ I'm kind of risking my life here. I'm still trying to decide if this is even worth it.”

Well that was wonderful to hear. Really filled him up with hope. He was so thankful this girl had arrived.

“Okay, well, if you could start by untying me, that would be great.” He shifted a little to reveal his bound appendages.

The girl perked up. “Right! Let me see if I can remember this spell right…”

She walked over to Hyrule, muttering something under her breath. She closed her eyes and held her hands over Hyrule’s, clearly concentrating deeply. Light started to pool in the space between them, and the girl furrowed her brow as it grew. Then, suddenly, the light exploded outward. Hyrule flinched, blinking stars out of his eyes as the girl cursed.

“I could've sworn I got it right that time!” she cried, probably a little too loudly for someone trying to help a prisoner escape. Then again, that burst of light wasn't really inconspicuous, either. It probably didn't really matter at this point.

The girl sighed, reaching into her robes and pulling out a knife. “Time for plan B, I guess.”

“Why didn't you just start with the knife?” Hyrule asked warily as she cut him free of the ropes. “We could have been out of here already.”

“I'm a _magician,_ dum-dum. It's, like, a requirement that I at least _try_ to use magic to do things before I go about them the _normal_ way.”

She said the word “normal” with far more scorn than Hyrule thought it deserved, but he said nothing. A few moments later, his hands and feet were freed, and he got up to stretch out his limbs. He already felt so much better just being able to get off that stupid stone floor.

“Alright, what's the next step in your brilliant escape plan?” Hyrule asked. Because surely she had a plan, right?

Judging by the way the girl was blinking up at him, she did not.

“Well…I hadn't really thought this far.” she admitted, and Hyrule resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands. “I just kinda…figured you'd know what to do?”

He didn't sigh, but it was a near thing. Instead, he took a deep, calming breath, and tried to remember that this person was trying to be helpful. You don't yell at people who are trying to help you. That would be bad.

But darn if it wasn't tempting.

“Do you have any potions?” he asked, a plan starting to formulate in his mind.

“Oh, sure!” The girl pulled a green potion out of her robes. “I've got one right here. What kind of magician would I be if I didn't carry potions on me all the time?” She scoffed, like the very notion was ridiculous.

Hyrule reached out a hand. “Can I have it?”

The girl pursed her lips, looking warily between Hyrule and the green bottle in her hands.

“You know, potions aren't cheap…” she began, and Hyrule did sigh this time.

“I'll pay you for it once we get out of here.” he promised, using his free hand to rub at the bridge of his nose. This was the worst escape attempt ever. “Just. Please. Give me the potion.”

“Fine.” The girl finally handed over the potion, and Hyrule wasted no time downing it. Within seconds, he felt magical energy flowing once more through his veins, and breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Alright, so here's the plan.” he said, setting the empty bottle on the ground. “I'm going to turn into a fairy, and you're going to hide me in your hat. Then, we're going to go look for wherever they took my things, and you're going to hide _those_ in your robes. After we do that, we'll walk outside until we're out of sight, and you'll let me out of your hat and give me my things. I'll turn back into a Hylian and start running. You distract the mages and get them looking the other way while I try to find my way back to my group. Sound good?”

“Yeah, except for one thing.” the girl said, her tone mournful. “We're kind of in the Dark World right now, and I'm sure your group is somewhere in the Light World. You can't get back to them if you don't travel through a Moon Gate, and the only active Gate nearby is guarded by the mages.”

Hyrule nodded. “Then you'll just have to take me through the Gate.”

The girl winced. “It's not really a good idea for me to go to the Light World right now. I kind of set a house on fire last time I was there—accidentally, of course—so there's a pretty big chance that I'll get arrested if anyone sees me.”

“That was _you?!”_ Hyrule exclaimed, then remembered that he was still very much a prisoner inside of enemy territory and he was lucky he hadn't already been caught. He spared a moment to think that Iris was the reason he'd gotten into this mess, then pushed that thought away for the time being. “You know what, not the time. If you get me into the Light World, I promise I'll protect you from getting arrested. Okay?”

The girl thought it over for a few seconds, then nodded.

“Alright, fine.” she said. “But I'm not gonna put my life on the line for you. If they discover you before we're home free, I'm giving you up and claiming you snuck into my hat without me knowing, alright?”

“Sure. Whatever.” Hyrule agreed, growing impatient. “Are we ready?”

The girl nodded again. “Ready. I'm Iris, by the way.”

“Hyrule.” Hyrule said. Then, he closed his eyes and channeled the energy he'd gained from the potion. An incantation flowed from his lips, and within moments, his bones began to shrink and wings began to poke out of his back. He kept up the chant until he stopped shrinking, and opened his eyes to find that he was at eye level with the bottom of Iris’s robes.

“Aw, you look so cute!” Iris said, reaching down to scoop Hyrule up in her hands. “You've gotta teach me how to do that.”

“Now is really not the time.” Hyrule said. “Hat, please.”

Iris huffed, but lifted up her hat and stuffed him inside. It was dark, a little musty, and she clearly hadn't showered in a few days, but he figured he couldn't really complain.

“Alright, I'm pretty sure they stashed your stuff away down the hall.” Iris mumbled, and Hyrule felt her moving towards the door. “I'll let you know once I find it.”

Hyrule said nothing, not wanting to encourage further conversation. Iris clearly was not one for stealth, and he wanted to increase his chances of escape in any way he could.

They walked around for a few minutes, opening some doors and closing others. A few mages stopped Iris to talk to her about one thing or another, but nobody seemed to have noticed Hyrule's absence. They really were incompetent.

Iris made a pleased noise about ten minutes into their wandering, and walked quickly towards something. Hyrule heard the sounds of metal scraping against wood, and figured she'd finally found his things. She shuffled around for a few minutes, probably trying to hide his things in her robes, before turning around and walking calmly out of the room. No turning back now.

After that, it wasn't long before Iris opened up a door that sounded different than all of the others. A bit of light filtered through the thick material of Iris’s hat, and he knew they must be outside. The sunlight was either a good thing in that he'd only been held captive for a few hours as night turned to day, or it was a really bad thing in that he'd been there for over twenty-four hours. He hoped it was the former, if only so the others wouldn't be worrying so much about him.

“Iris! How are you doing?” someone asked after they'd been walking for a while. Iris stopped a few feet away from them, and Hyrule felt something shifting in the air. It felt like a patch of sunlight in a meadow on a bright summer’s day. Light energy. This must be the Moon Gate.

“Doin’ fine, Bob!” Iris replied. “I left something back in the Light World yesterday. Think I can get through to go get it?”

Bob hesitated, and Hyrule tightened his hands into fists. If they said no, he and Iris didn't have another plan to fall back on. They'd be stuck.

“Yeah, I don't see why not.” Bob finally said after a few painful moments. “Just be careful, alright? You of all people should know that the villagers don't take kindly to people messing with their houses.”

Iris laughed just a little too loudly. “I'll keep that in mind!”

Then they were walking forward into the patch of sunlight, and Hyrule felt the magical energy shifting around them, carrying them away even as they seemed to stay in place. It was disorienting, but the feeling thankfully only lasted a few seconds.

Iris walked for a while once the air settled, then suddenly shot downwards. It took Hyrule a few moments to realize she'd probably just sat down. Then the hat was gone, and Hyrule took a deep breath of fresh air as he examined their surroundings.

He was kind of surprised to find that they were still in the village he'd been taken from. The smell of ashes still lingered in the air from the house Iris had apparently burned down, and he could almost make out the husk of where it had once been a few blocks away.

He hopped down from Iris’s head, then recited the Fairy spell once more to transform back to normal. When he looked over at her, Iris was laying back on the grass, her hands covering her face.

“I can't believe I just did that.” she said. “I just betrayed the Mages’ Guild.”

Hyrule stood beside her awkwardly. “If it's any consolation, you did it for good reason.”

“Oh, shush. I wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for you.” She made a flappy gesture towards Hyrule with one hand, and he stiffened in indignance.

 _“I_ wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for _you!”_ he countered. “The reason they knew I could use magic was because I turned into a fairy to save someone from a burning building. A building which, as I'm sure you know, _you_ burned down.”

Iris groaned. “Can we please move on from that? I already said it was an accident.”

Hyrule closed his eyes and took a _very_ deep breath. He just needed to get his things from her, and then he would never have to see her again. Just a few more minutes, and this crazy magician girl would be out of his life for good.

“Fine.” he bit out. “We'll call it even. Now can I have my things back?”

Iris took off her robes, revealing all of his equipment tucked away in its folds. “Here you go.” she said, tossing them over to him before crossing her arms over her tunic. “That was everything they had in the storeroom. Don't blame me if something’s missing.”

Hyrule pulled out his things, rearranging them on his person until everything was squared away. Nothing was missing. He threw Iris’s robe over her face, then tossed a few rupees down with it. He left without another word. Iris didn't follow.

He wandered through the streets for a few minutes before he spotted Four and Legend standing next to a long building, talking to each other in hushed voices. He made his way over to them and rested his head on Legend’s shoulder without a word.

“Hyrule!” Legend exclaimed, shifting a little to look at him. “Where have you been? I—we were worried when you didn't come back to the inn last night.”

“Mages.” Hyrule said simply. “I don't want to talk about it.”

“I told you to watch out for them.” Four said, reaching over to pat Hyrule on the back sympathetically.

“You did.” he agreed. “And I should have listened.”

He looked up at Legend then, giving him a jealous look.

“You would be so much better at getting interrogated than me.” he said.

Legend blinked down at him, his eyes going immediately to Hyrule’s cheek. “Did someone _slap_ you?” he asked.

“I don't want to talk about it.” Hyrule repeated tiredly. “Can we just go find the others and let them know I'm alive so I can get some sleep?”

“Yeah, sure.” Legend said, wrapping an arm around Hyrule's shoulder. “Four, why don't you go find the others? I'll take Hyrule here to the inn and make sure he doesn't run off again.”

Four nodded, shooting Hyrule one last sympathetic glance before rushing off. Legend chuckled when Hyrule buried his head in Legend’s neck.

“Come on, buddy. Let's go get you into bed.”

Hyrule groaned, but started walking when Legend began to lead them away. “I hate mages.”

“Yeah, I think I do, too.” Legend rubbed his shoulder before moving his arm to Hyrule’s waist, allowing him to lean more on Legend as they walked. “You can tell me all about it tomorrow.”

Hyrule nodded, letting Legend lead him away. Today had been a total train wreck of weirdness, and he envisioned himself leaving it all behind with each step they took. It wasn't as helpful as he'd hoped.

 _Stupid mages,_ he thought when Legend was lowering him into bed. _Stupid useless Triforce. Stupid magician girls. Stupid shadow cuccos._

“I still don't understand the shadow cucco.” he muttered into his pillow. Legend just chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

“Go to bed, ’Rule.” he ordered, and so Hyrule did.

He dreamed of being pecked at by an angry shadow. It was almost more terrifying than being kidnapped and interrogated by mages.

Oh, who was he kidding? It was absolutely more terrifying. Those mages really were incompetent.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the end of this wild ride of a fic. I hope y'all enjoyed—especially you, Grim uwu Sorry if it's not entirely what you wanted, but I think it's close enough. And, hey—at least I got it done on time :ᴅ


End file.
